Mother of the Bride: Etiquette & Responsibilities
So the question has been popped and you’re officially mother to a bride to be – congratulations! Other than feeling proud as punch and excited for the couple what “official” duties do you need to be aware of before the wedding?
Get to know your future in-laws
You might be best friends already but if it’s a whirlwind engagement or geography and logistics have had a say in how well you know your daughters soon to be in-laws now is the time to change that. If able to, arrange a lunch or a simple coffee date. If geography is still a factor organise a facetime call to get to know each other a bit better.
Be clear on where your support is needed
With so many couples choosing to pay for their own weddings these days it means traditional roles like mother of the bride has evolved. In days gone by the mother of the bride would heavily be involved in everything, from the early stages of planning to on the day arrangements, but in todays age, because of financial independence, a couple can choose to be less reliant and influenced by their parents.
The role you play, therefore, will depend somewhat on how much your daughter wants you to be involved, but also how much you want to be involved. Communication is key so talk to one another and ensure your daughter knows you’re there to support her in whatever way is needed.
Some of the tasks you could be asked to support with include:
Looking at wedding venues
The mother of the bride often helps the couple scout out ceremony and reception sites. This could take the form of simply taking the time to ask friends and family for recommendations, setting a day aside to call the couples preferred choices to request brochures, ask about availability etc and/or actually attending any site visits organised.
Wedding dress shopping
Traditionally, mothers go with their daughters when wedding dress shopping but as with a lot of wedding traditions these days this one has evolved. It is of course a beautiful moment when a bride to be finds the one and says yes to the dress, and if you have a close relationship with your daughter no doubt you will be there to witness that moment, but wedding dress shopping can also be highly stressful and emotive and your daughter might not want many people with her initially, including mum and that’s ok. Don’t feel pressured into having to be present at every key stage just because tradition dictates. Let a close friend of your daughters deal with the initial stress of narrowing down the dress and you attend the final fitting instead – allowing you to still have a precious, and private moment with your daughter in her dress.
Attend the bridal shower / hen party
It doesn’t tend to be the mother of the bride who hosts / organises the bridal shower / hen party (that’s what your bridesmaids are for!) however your daughter will likely want you to be a part of the celebration. Have a conversation with her and communicate clearly about how much to get involved.
Help with the wedding guest seating plan
Mother-of-the-bride responsibilities include helping the couple put together the guest list and also assisting with putting together the seating plan. Your opinion on where people should sit will be valued, and another set of eyes on the seating plan as a whole is always helpful. Read our guide on how to create a table plan here for some helpful tips.
Share family traditions
Mums are a safe bet to uncover religious or cultural traditions you—or your partner's family—might want to include in the ceremony, and you are perfectly positioned to help find the something old or something borrowed requirements too.
A special outfit
Of course you’ll need something suitable to wear and you could choose to make finding your outfit for the wedding a special occasion for you and your daughter. The mother of the bride does play a big part in the actual wedding so it’s important your outfit fits the overall vision of the wedding and will stand the test of time – think classic chic as opposed to trendy patterns. Don’t leave finding something to the last minute. Start early and get a good feel for what you like and what suits you.
It is customary to share your chosen outfit with your daughters partners mum to allow for a level of coordination om the big day. You certainly don’t have to be matchy-matchy but if you both have the same level of formality and complement each other it’ll help the wedding photos will look great.
The big day has finally arrived – what mother of the bride duties do you need to know about on the actual wedding day?
Help the bride to stay calm & get ready
Most mothers of the bride are present during the getting ready stage of the day. Helping to keep your daughter calm and steady during this part of the day is crucial – be the reliable rock she has always depended on, reminding her to stay focused on the bigger picture and to have fun!
Point of contact
Your daughter my have assigned the task of supplier contact to you, meaning you’re responsible for liaising with any on the day suppliers ensuring they know where they need to be and when, and dealing with any last minute hiccups.
Walking down the aisle
An important moment for any mother of the bride is walking down the aisle in advance of the bridal party. You might walk down with another of your children at your side, or you might choose to walk solo – completely up to you! However you do it, it’ll be the first time the majority of the guests see you and vice versa so enjoy and savour the moment.
Enjoy the reception
The ceremony went without a hitch, your daughter and new son (or daughter)-in-law are beaming with happiness and the reception is in full swing, with everyone enjoying themselves. The only task left for you to do as mother of the bride is to join in and enjoy yourself too!
For more helpful guide like this one check out the Pure Invitation blog here.